Self Discovery through Self Discipline

I used to write a page everyday to practice discipline and consistency. I’d write about what was going on in life and in my head.

I played it like a game. All my pages were numbered and had titles. And if I missed a day, I had to start over.

 Most recently, I did this for 23 days without breaking the streak. And when my consistency failed, it was hard to get the ball rolling again. 

Once I was back down to #1, it was hard to get to #2. I had lost my momentum. 

So why am I writing about this now? Why make a big deal out of this little game I was playing? 

 “If you miss one day, fine. Just don't miss the second.” 

Once I broke the commitment, I was quick to move on and forget all about it.  My attitude was dismissive towards this once inspirational practice.

I have noticed this aloof attitude whenever I have broken other promises or commitments I have made to myself. 

This is where the big questions arise.

Why is it so easy to break the promises only I know about? The promises made to myself.

How come its easier to keep commitments to everyone but myself?

It’s a self respect thing. Letting myself down is somehow easier than letting other people down.

If I broke a promise to a friend, I'd feel like crap. If I broke a promise to myself, I could play it off like the promise never existed in the first place. 

Does this make sense? Have you noticed this in your own life? 

It's a matter of accountability and self respect. Both things I am trying to learn more about. 

How can I stay consistently committed to the things that are just for me and my self development? No one is going to make me stick to my commitments and frankly, that's a good thing. If the discipline comes from within, I can do and be anything.

This is teaching me that if I really want to grow and evolve, I can't rely on others to tell me how I should do it.

Message to myself:

Sam, wake me up if I'm sleepwalking through life. Help me notice when I'm distracted and avoiding responsibility. Keep me in check because you're the only one that knows how. I will keep the promises and commitments I make to myself. Even the ones that seem silly or insignificant. I take myself seriously because my desires are important and I deserve to see them materialized.

Yours Truly,

- Sam